On July 1, 2022, EMVA started her period - officially starting the egg donation process.
By Thursday, July 14, EMVA had been shown to have formed 51 follicles. As we learned through the process, each follicle has the potential to release an egg. The next step was to extract the eggs and check their formation.
Once combined with the sperm sample, the clinic indicated that 24 potential embryos were in observation for growth. Ultimately, we would wait for 8 to fully develop and send them for genetic screening. This would detect the sex, chromosome abnormalities, and other issues that could impact the development of the embryos.
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And while all this was happening, we began selecting our surrogate.
During our trip to CDMX in early June, we had interviews with a potential surrogate. We spent 30 awkward mins asking her personal questions about her life.
Do you smoke? Why are you doing this? What do you do on the weekends?
The uncomfortableness of the situation had all three of us nervous. There was a point where she stumbled when we asked, " Do you drink?" She answered yes, but quickly explained that she would stop. It felt like an "I caught you" moment. But it wasn't, at least not to us. We understood that all surrogates would adjust their life once they were pregnant.
We were looking for someone with a support system she could rely on when she needed help.
For someone who was honest and would follow doctor's orders. Someone we could trust…. At the micro level, we sought qualities that would make her one of our best friends. But as we zoomed out of the situation, this was a random woman in the middle of Mexico City. Someone we knew nothing about - a stranger in a city of almost 9 million people.
When we agreed to start the process, Wendy, the girl we met during our CDMX trip with FertyCare, was already booked for other parents. We felt slightly defeated; we had lost a potential surrogate and would need to start our search again.
The agency gave us two more options, but strongly recommended one: Annette. She was 23 years old, had a 3 yr old child, and was married. As part of the surrogate contract, all interested women must have had a successful pregnancy before signing up. The surrogate must have passed a psychological exam and a home visit requiring livable conditions.
Beyond the qualifying features of the surrogate, Annette was in a unique situation - her sister and sister-in-law were also signed up as surrogates.
This was the support we were looking for for our surrogate. Immediately, we said yes to Annette. We were not losing another surrogate.
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On August 8, we received our genetics report on the eight embryos. The report indicated that we had four viable embryos ready to be transferred.
The report also highlights another thing: ALL OUR EMBRYOS WERE MALE.
After many nights of looking at potential names, imagining ourselves buying clothes and thinking about what life would be like with a baby, we had come to the agreement that we did not care if we had a boy or a girl; we would tell the agency to transfer the strongest embryo.
We were scared of having a girl, but we were in love with the idea of dressing her up, raising her to be fierce, and seeing her navigate a changing society. But we also thought about the female biology that we did not understand. We thought about the conversations with her about her periods, about boys and sex, and about being a female in a machista community.
When we thought about having a boy, we imagined it would be easier, considering we had personal experience. But we also thought about how to raise a boy with two gay dads. Would he be bullied more than a girl would?
Papi Martin and I got the report while we were at work. Immediately we called each other. I remember tears in my eyes as we told each other we were having a boy. You existed in one of those 4 embryos.
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In true FertyCare fashion, we got a plan that indicated the dates all procedures would happen.
And on October 13 (3 days before schedule), Annette received her transfer procedure.
Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I appreciate you sharing this as I am a huge supporter of people fulfilling their parenting dreams, but I never could have somewhat understood it because it was not my personal experience. Thank you for sharing this as an education, an awareness standpoint, and to continue to support everyone who has to navigate this process. I cannot express how beautiful this all is. I am so proud and in awe of you both. Wishing you continued blessings. Y’all are doing incredible!
You have me hook guys. 🥺❤️👶🏼 Later on you should convert these letters into a book. It gives me so much hope for future lgbtq parents to make their dream come true.